A Fifty-Something Hits South Beach

I park my mini van on Lincoln Road, and sit for at least ten minutes, watching the beautiful people slide by in their 4-inch leopard print spikes, their hair shimmering in the tropical sun, their ultra-high fashion choices loudly declaring "I am HERE!" I try to muster some courage to leave the van.

Will they notice me as I slink to my audition at the 1100 building? I am a comic, and my agent keeps sending me for ridiculous parts for commercials as an aging carnival vendor(a comical one, however), a gypsy fortune teller (isn't that the same thing?), and someone's flitty grandma. Note: I have NEVER gotten the part; something about auditions guarantees that I will not be funny, natural, nor the least bit talented. But when my agent calls, saying, "You will be perfect for the part!", I gird my loins, grit my teeth, and show up -- a round, plain Idaho potato among French cut almondine green beans. Always ending the event with a comment by the camera man, "Thanks, Honey. Great job." Yeah, right.

I exit my van. Will they judge my old-fashioned pumps, my too-low hem, my too-high neckline, not to mention my obvious lack of guidance in the hair or makeup departments? "Maybe if I walk like them I'll fit in," I think.

Not a chance. 'Cool' has never been an adjective attached to my name or demeanor. "Yeah, there's Pam. She's so cool." More like, "Yeah, there's Pam." End of comment. People are nice enough, but they view me more like a member of an alien species rather than one of their own. "I used to be young and beautiful, too!", I cry out. My words echo against the local latte shop for no one to hear.
For whatever reason, however, I was once chosen from my headshot to be an extra in Ali, with Will Smith. I spent hours getting my hair ratted into a beehive, then spent seconds crossing the street while Ali was driven by in his limo. My Mom and I had to watch the movie twice to find me.

But whatever your age or body type, Miami does hold the excitement of taking part in fun movie projects, meeting lots of stars, authors, and just plain gorgeous people out in the Florida sunshine. And I would take that anyday over one minute in Minnesota in February.